Holding

“For in grief nothing “stays put.” One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am i going in circles, or dare I hope, I am on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it? CS Lewis (1961)

Exploring the notion of caring for ourselves whist caring for others through cancer treatment and beyond, using selected and created objects combined with a sensory experience with materials, methods of making and metaphor.

This research project ‘’holding' draws upon lived experience of being a parent carer of a child with Leukaemia, a life-threatening blood cancer. Though diagnosis, treatment and relapse, in my experience the aftereffects of this traumatic experience transcends treatment ‘end’ dates.

This project explores notions of caring for ourselves whist caring for others. It draws up on the ebb and flow of sensations and body and mind connection. Applying a mindfulness approach; 'about being in the moment, using the senses to become aware of what is happening right now’ (Simmons and Griffith 2009, p144) and how this may help us restore connection with ourselves. I explore a phenomenological approach to lived experience, through the use of objects and methods of making. As Havi Carel states, Phenomenology ‘ focuses on the experience of an individual, the ways in which we perceive them (phenomena) as they appear to us. (Carel, H 2019, p12). Exploring the emotional response we may have with objects ‘as companions to our emotional lives or a provocations to thought.’ (Turtle S 2007, p5) and combining this emotional response with how I might approach to communicate this with others, Daniel Miller explores this emotional communication through objects in his book ‘The Comfort of Things’  ‘every object in the room is equally a form by which they have chosen to express themselves.’ (Miller D 2008, p2).

Through materials and methods of making I explore what contribution our hands make in in how we relate to objects by sense of touch and exploring the unknown. Drawing up on methods of making such as kneading, rubbing and smoothing? Elbrecht, C discusses an intuitive knowing the hands hold, through rhythmic repetition (2013 p62). This quote form Elbrecht, encapsulates this theory,  ‘Follow your hands! Your hands know the way; in your head you will just stay in the known; in order to explore the unknown and find new ground, you need to trust your hands and follow the impulses in them’ (Elbrecht, C 2013 p24). 

I have chosen to bring these concepts together and apply them via an auto-ethnographic research methodology. What interests me about Auto-ethnography is that it enables me to work with ‘self-narrative’ and set it against a universal ‘social context’ (Reed, D 1997 p9). I particularly resonate with Tony Adams et al, in their identification of expressionist auto-ethnography. They characterise this type of work as moving from ‘ inside-out’  and focusing on ‘evoking moods and expressing emotions’ (Adams T et al 2015, p87). 

This enables me to support the exploration of my own Arts Practice in a personal and authentic way whilst still making it relevant to the wider field of art, health and wellbeing. 

Here is one of the works created for this project…

H O L D I N G , R E L E A S I N G  2 0 2 4

Hands discharging energy,

Rhythmic movements, no longer reacting, 

Just a moment, 

Open hands sweeping, pushing and dragging,

Open arms stretched, trailing and arching. 

Holding, Releasing.